SGU Mary Sue Runs Wild
by VioletVision
Summary: Mary Sue comes aboard the Destiny from the SGC with new scripts for the actors. Mitchell lowered his head with his eyes closed. Silence. He was no longer the naked guy. This is meant to be over the top. PS I love SGU/Het/Ship/Slash. I read it to live.


SGU Mary Sue

Characters: Any/All

Genre: AU

Spoilers/Warnings: Eps 1-4, PG-13 just in case.

Summary: Mary Sue comes aboard the Destiny from the SGC with new scripts for the actors.

A/N: I think the title and summary speaks for itself shameful self. I love slash and ship in all its many forms, but I cannot help Mary Sue-ing a little here. I am Mary Sue and I enter the world of the SG to cause havoc! This is me on an acid trip (well if I ever take one this is how I would want it to go). This is meant to be Crazy! I actually in RL sing part of a song and try to get my hubby to say the ending. He says nope or once in a while humors me. But as the All Powerful Mary Sue, I can do anything I want. Personally, I feed the smut bunnies all the time and write my own slash and het. As Mary Sue for this story, I just had to bring Lord Ba'al along and Jack said he did not mind.

Mary Sue skipped along happily down the corridors of the SGC toward the Gate Room. "Follow the yellow brick road. Teal'c I need a tin man. Daniel I need a lion!"

Jack stood in the Gate Room and prompt screens showed what Mary Sue was saying. "Well, for crying out loud run before she decides to stay."

Teal'c and Daniel jogged down the corridor and nearly stumbled when their clothing vanished.

Mary Sue smiled flashing an outfit on herself similar to Abby from NCIS, "Oh sorry, I forgot your outfits."

Vala walked up with Sam, "Daniel, nice um legs. Muscles, always a pleasure."

Mary Sue flashed appropriate outfits on Teal's as the tin man and Daniel as the stuffed lion. "Thanks Vala, great come back with the legs comment. With him, I always get distracted. There you go boys."

Teal'c and Daniel answered in dead pan blankness, "Thank you, Mary Sue."

The group skipped along to music that started over the intercom system.

Daniel whispered to Jack once he got in the Gate Room, "I hate this song."

Jack, "Daniel, quiet. Remember, she has the script, don't make her change it. Be nice. I want to get back to my job not have another slash moment with you and that flag or in some apartment we get together."

Daniel's snippy voice took over, "Well at least when she has you in Ship you have a couple of regulars. She always seems to put me with random made up females."

Jack shook his head, "I don't mind random. Do you have any ideas how many fics were written about me marrying Sam and having babies?"

Sam shook her head, "Standing right here."

Daniel smirked, "Ok, I'll be a good boy if that song will only stop playing."

Jack and Daniel wondered how Mary Sue was going to use the Earth gate to go all the way to the Destiny. But, she was the All Powerful Pause.

Vala waved her hand at the prompter then looked to Sam, "What's with the All Powerful stuff. Whenever she says that or types that, it is like the men all go into slow motion strips."

Sam rolled her eyes glad the music was fading, "You know the All Powerful Ozz. You were on Farscape a long time with Mitchell being shipped left and right. I read one about you and Nigel the slug guy. Gosh! It's just how it is, don't fight it."

Vala flounced into a chair that magically appeared for her, which was completely unpractical in the room, "Yes, but why?"

Sam, "Stop feeding the smut bunnies oh I mean plot bunnies. They eat. They bounce around happily on the prompters. It's not a good thing for us."

The music chimed louder, "Because because because because becaaaaaaause"

Sam rolled her eyes for the hundredth time, "See?"

When no one in the Gate Room responded, the same words rang out again.

Jack pressed his hand to his face, "Come on people read the prompts, and she will go!"

Mitchel yelled, "I finally have my clothes back on. It's been years, people. Sing the dam* song!"

Daniel cleared his throat hoping he was not killed off again for no reason.

The five words played on the music again and went silent and every person on the base chanted, "becaaaaaaaaause of the wonderful things she does."

Teal'c, "Why is the music on a continual loop like they don't know the words and the same thing just feeds into itself again?"

Sam shook her head at him to quiet him because the bunnies started watching.

Mary Sue swung her pig tails with each word and stepped into the gate.

Mitchell lowered his head with his eyes closed. Silence. He was no longer the naked guy.

Jack heard the gate opening back up without even dialing. "Oh my god. What's going on now?"

"Lord will suffice." With complete contempt and sarcasm, "And, thank you for the suggestion that I should go with her. I will loath you till my dying day if she ever lets me have one." Lord Ba'al strode up to Jack.

Jack smiled, "Got to love the clones. I see you are dressed accordingly. Are you leaving then?"

"Thanks to you." Ba'al looked down at his outfit, which comprised of black boots, black leather pants with a cape off the back strangely like Lestat's in Queen of the Damned, and arm bracelets. He did not dislike it, but would feel better with more clothing. How he liked his layered clothing.

Jack and Ba'al looked at the prompter and read about layered clothing.

Jack, "That's really how you feel isn't it? You don't mind that much; just want better outfits to wear. Why does that thing type out everything we say and what we are doing?"

Ba'al walked up the ramp to the gate puddle, "I think she took the phrase literal."

"What?"

Ba'al paused with some of his body in the blue pool. Ba'al read the prompt and stepped closer so some of his body would be in the blue pool. AND STEPPED CLOSER

Ba'al growled, "Yes, I read that!" He stepped closer feeling like it was The Quest episode where Teal'c pulled him around the whole time when he was not fighting with Sam. "I am. I am. No flashbacks, no flashbacks."

Jack preened, "Sooooo what phrase did Mary Sue take literal?"

"Let it be written, so let it be done." Ba'al turned and stepped into the gate landing on the Destiny.

In the Gate Room on the Destiny:

A gorgeous woman, looking strangely like Angelina Jolie meets Jessica Alba, *Mary Sue paused considering and liked the description* stepped out of the gate with a flourish of her black dress.

"Welcome, if everyone can gather around, I have some new scripts to hand out. We love cannon, but there is room for some ship and some slashy moments. Is that a word? Slashy?"

Everyone paused looking at the woman who opened her backpack and started passing out binders.

Rush grabbed Scott's radio, "Young to the Gate Room."

Mary Sue smiled at Rush, "Thank you. Good idea. We might start with both of you first. There are only 4 people in here that we need to start. Let me check my list. Everyone else will have to be brought in. Oh, there are the prompts at the top of the walls at the ceilings. Remember people, the cameras can't see them, but you must follow them as best as you can. I like a little spontaneity, but we must not butcher the scripts. People worked hard on the fics after all."

Rush stepped forward.

Mary Sue quipped, "Rush, that's you. Step forward. There you go. Sometimes we don't really know what it is going to do. Sometimes, I think people IM the script for the prompters. Just go with it. Where were we? Yes, we need the main characters and a few that are not."

Everyone looked to the prompters and read, "Several people walked into the Gate Room for no apparent reason and completely disregarding their jobs and/or logic. Young, Eli, Greer, James, Telford, Chloe, Riley, Brody, TJ, Wray and Dr. Park entered the Gate Room."

The individuals listed stumbled into the Gate Room at all available doors. They looked mesmerized and shocked to find themselves in the room.

Rush read the prompter then asked, "Who is Dr. Park?"

"Oh, I am. Why is my name up there? What am I doing here?" A young lady in a purple sweater stepped forward holding her arms over her stomach.

Scott tipped his head to Rush, "You know her. She worked on the air thing with you and Brody and that other guy whose name starts with a V. She knows all the tech things. Her Kino said she did not like earthquakes because she cut both her feet."

Rush shook his head yes, "Earthquake Geek Girl. Check."

Young walked up to Rush and Scott, "What the hell is going on here? Who is that?"

Rush, "Her name is Mary Sue. She stepped out of the gate and those prompt things showed up all over the ship."

Mary Sue was so happy everyone was playing along and handed Young and Rush their scripts.

Mary Sue beamed, "Ok everyone now that the people I like are here, I want to let you know that I am going to refer to you by your character name so there is less confusion."

Rush glared at Young, "I don't think we are the ones confused."

Chloe edged over, "Don't talk like that. She may not like it."

Scott leaned in, "What does it matter what she likes. Why does she keep referring to us as characters, and the TV thing is she talking about Kinos? What's going on? I don't know what slash is."

Chloe, "Oh, you will. Don't make the mistake of asking her. It's usually m/m action. Do what she wants."

Young, "Why?"

Chloe pretended to check her make-up noting that her words were not on the prompters, "I was on Narnia, and there was slash and ship. Her minions got her distracted with us and well, you don't even want to know how far the slash went with the poor LOTR Hobbits before they got done with them."

Eli walked over talking loud, "Ooooh I read some of them. I just don't see Hobbits that way. Jack and Daniel yes, Sheppy and Mckay yes, Ronon was sometimes with Sheppy and Mckay, but Hobbit Slash…not my thing."

Mary Sue bounced over with lots of pink and blue bunnies following behind her acting hungry, "Oh someone said slash. Young and Rush you're up. All life threatening things on the ship will be put on hold till further notice or unless it helps the bunnies."

The gate opened and a man wearing black and no shirt walked out. Young gasped and several guards pulled their guns.

Mary Sue beamed at Ba'al, "Oh goodie you're here. Ok all, since you don't have a villain of your own yet, Jack thought it would be ok if Ba'al came over on loan from SG-1. His name is Lord Ba'al, and he is a Goa'uld. Hot body, evil eyes. Did you know he danced for the real Moulin Rouge, up for the Olympics and was in the military? Not at the same time."

Rush leered, "We have a villain, the bloody ship!"

Scott, "Don't give her ideas. Read your script this looks scary enough."

Chloe added, "Yes, listen to Scott. You don't want her thinking of the ship because then it will come alive and try to kill us or fall in love with one of us. Could you imaging being shipped with a ship? Ooooh that is not a bad idea. That could be hot."

A bunny bounced back to Mary Sue with the new idea. Mary Sue nodded yes. "I already read that one. It was very hot."

Ba'al cringed at all the bunnies bouncing at his feet, and Young thought that the evil Lord looked as if he would happily stomp the bunnies to death given half a chance.

Ba'al walked forward looking at the room. "Who is in charge?"

Young stepped forward. "Colonel Everett Young. Are we going to have problems with you?"

Ba'al, "Villain! Oh, how would I know? Read the dam*ed script. You did watch SG-1 right? I need a room and wardrobe. If I have to pick between the two, I choose wardrobe. I need someone who is good with buckles. A nice wine would be nice. Any smart hot blondes like Carter? Ohhhh I see you have several attractive brunettes on your staff."

Mary Sue looked at Young's pants, "No, he slashes mostly with Scott and Rush so far, but TJ is a blonde. I am not sure if anyone likes the wife. Telford you might get to have her."

Telford was still looking at his body and the room, "I am in my own body. How did I get here?"

Ba'al shook his head, "I'm speaking. Amateur. What is it with the main male character having dibs on the hot blondes? But, I have to admit the assortment of brunettes is impressive."

Everyone looked over to TJ who blushed heavily and zipped her top up higher. "I get warm."

Ba'al, "Oh so you do like me? Interesting. Maybe we can get a brunette and do a three-way. Wait. Goa'uld host thing. Anyone who is with me is already doing a three-way. We can see what we can do. Mary Sue usually helps out with that."

Rush read his script, "Tell me again why do I have to kiss Young?"

Young flipped the pages, "Your character needs someone it seems."

Rush, "But, this other script says that I am with Eli. This other one says I am involved in a three-way. I need to get back to fixing the ship this is rubbish."

Chloe grabbed Rush's arm. "Don't."

Rush, "Why?"

Chloe whispers, "You don't want her going all Angst on you first off. It sets a precedent."

Music started playing, "because because…" and Chloe sang along and waved her hands for the others to join in. This was going to be a long Battlegate Voyager Episode.

A/N: All done. I might make another after watching a few more eps. (Update – I did! This is meant to be over the top and crazy. PS I love Het/Slash/Ship/and so on, and I love all the different stories I have read by others. In no way is this to make fun of any writers. My jokes and humor might be taken that I am poking at others based on what the review show, but that is not the case. In computer class, I would switch over to read other's fics whenever I got the chance. I just wanted to incorporate all of it (the crazy ideas I have and what would happen if a crazy Mary Sue of my own creation decided to invade the SG world) together for humor.) I just love SGU! What do you think?


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